Yes Bella, stop trying to take your clothes off

The Twilight Saga: Eclipse
Genre: Romance, Fantasy
Release: June 30, 2010
Cast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Taylor Lautner, Dakota Fanning, Bryce Dallas Howard as Victoria

I am appalled at the fact that Hong Kong cinemas released this on the exact date but they release a lot of other movies at least two months late, appalled I tell you. What kind of marketing strategy is that? Movies like Toy Story 3 would reel in the dough at a much faster rate seeing that it's shown in 3D.

I, being known for my love for movies yet my inextinguishable hate for the Twilight Saga, have been asked numerous times if I'm going to see Eclipse. Unfortunately, my love for movies prevails; I watched it, not very comfortably if I may add, but I watched it.

Synopsis: Kristen Stewart returns as anti-heroine Bella Swan whose life is in constant peril as Victoria sets out and creates an army of newborn vampires to avenge the death of her beloved James whilst being caught in between her bestfriend, Jacob, and her boyfriend, Edward, as she makes one of the most life-changing decisions one can make in a single lifetime.

Never before have I watched a film in which almost all the characters are clumsily tripping over their hormones. There were enough kissing scenes to make you want to vomit last night's dinner onto your lap, or should I say, too many that the most important one and the best throughout the film at that, i.e. Jacob-Bella kiss, failed to make an impact. [I stopped counting after 7 but I think there were 11 kissing scene, give or take a few]

Furthermore, for a story that's supposed to be thrilling and passionately exhausting, it was rather depressing. The dialogue, which took up about 80% of the movie, droned on without even a speck of emotion, the characters, namely Edward, had to constantly say how he was feeling. They weren't acting I can tell you that, they were merely spitting out their lines as if they were desperate to just get it over with. Taylor Lautner did a more impressive job on expressing his undying love for Bella without much help of dialogue [You could at least tell that the boy was, I don't know, ALIVE?] , but Robert Pattinson's acting ability has been established ever since he played Cedric Diggory - a role in which my favourite part was when he died. Kristen Stew on the other hand -- [Let's not even go there]

At this point, I was already sporting a headache; And just when I thought things couldn't possibly get any worse, Jacob and Edward's neverending bickering made that headache escalate to a migraine. They sounded like an aging unhappily married couple whose sole purpose is to make the other feel utterly miserable.

[Somebody stop me before I deliver my own head on a silver platter] 

On a lighter note, the opening scene where Riley Biers becomes a newborn vampire was quite impressive. Xavier Samuel's acting wasn't too shabby either. As a matter of fact, the few short scenes of Riley Biers, be it when he's angry or confused or homicidal - hungry would be a more appropriate word, gave Eclipse the littlest bit of substance that the main cast should've delivered.

The interpretation of Jasper and Rosalie's human lives didn't disappoint either. Having read the book myself, I was glad they kept that. However, I was let down when Billy Black told the history of the Quileute tribe, they cut off the part where he actually explained HOW the tribe became shapeshifters. 

From where I see it, despite how certain factors were up to par, Eclipse deserves a D. D for dull, dead and depressing.

Story: D

Acting: D

Direction: C-

Visuals: D

Average: D

- Messer Girl

Team LaRusso or Team Parker: a Karate Kid Showdown

Should Daniel LaRusso and Dre Parker face one another, who would win the fight?

After rewatching 1984 original Karate Kid last night, it was relieving that some of the dialogue remained unchanged but here's the run down of the differences between the two movies.

---

Daniel LaRusso moved from Newark, New Jersey to Reseda, L.A.
Dre Parker moved from Detroit to Beijing, China.

Point for Dre Parker

There's a little bit of a language barrier between Dre Parker and the locals along with greater cultural differences, making it more difficult to fit in.

Daniel LaRusso learned Karate.
Dre Parker learned Kung Fu.

Point for Daniel LaRusso

Self-explanatory. The "Karate" Kid.

Daniel LaRusso and Mr. Miyagi got to know each other prior to training Karate.
Dre Parker did not.

Point to Daniel LaRusso

Makes for a good film; it introduces the depth of both characters to the audience. To Dre Parker, Mr. Han was non-existent and rather irrelevant until he was just about to receive another beating.

Daniel LaRusso was around 16 years old, seeing as he had gotten a drivers license.
Dre Parker was 12.
Considering the slight romantic touch to the story,

Point to Daniel LaRusso

Dre Parker, along with his classmates, were simply too young.

Daniel LaRusso and Ali's parents had almost no interaction with the exception of meeting one another as the pair were about to leave for a date and they had already judged him because he was downtown, she was uptown.
Dre Parker had gone and written an apology letter, in the hopes that Mei Ying's father would allow he and Mei Ying to remain friends after she almost missed her violin recital because of him.

Point to Dre Parker

I bow down to Jaden Smith. After living in Hong Kong for almost 17 years, I have yet to master the Chinese Language, be it Mandarin or Cantonese. But the point is Dre Parker and Mei Ying's father had at least interacted one another

On a different note, the cinematoghrapy of the 2010 version, with respect to the tournament scenes, displayed the gravity of the situation where a the opponent delivers a blow, breaking his leg. This gives the audience time to sympathize with Dre Parker, which would deliberately push them to the edge of their seat as they watch him try to pull himself back up. In the 1984 original, Daniel got up too fast for the viewers to fell all of those emotions.

Point to Dre Parker

To conclude, we have a tie.

Daniel LaRusso: 3
Dre Parker: 3

We can go on forever, comparing the two movies, but I'll leave the rest to you. What comes down to it is both movies weave in their own direction, both having their ups and downs, yet both worth watching.

So are you Team LaRusso or Team Parker?

[I'm definitely Team LaRusso, Parker's got quite an attitude. Put me in a room with him, you mught need to get the coroner]

I'd love to know what you think of the remake, what you liked or didn't like. Vent if you must.

- Messer Girl

Karate, Kung Fu, whatever

The Karate Kid (2010)

Genre: Action, Drama

Release: June 11, 2010

Cast: Jackie Chan as Mr. Han, Jaden Smith as Dre Parker

Sequels are never better than the original, what more a remake? I think that's why they're called "The Original".

Likewise with music, most of us do not like our good ol' classics to be remade, altered, let alone touched. I remember cocking an eyebrow when I heard about the remake, thinking, "It better do the original justice", but I've come to see remakes as vessels that pass on age-old stories and values to younger generations - even though the new 12-year-old "Karate" Kid is actually learning instead Kung Fu. Well, as Taraji P. Henson said, "Karate, Kung Fu, whatever!"

 

Synopsis: Young Dre Parker moves from Detroit to Beijing. Within a week he facies a girl, gets into a run in with a couple of kids who just so happened to know Kung Fu, gets his backside whooped a couple of times and discovers that the handiman, is not just a handiman. He and Mr. Han then visit the Kung Fu School to make peace with his perpetrators but earns a ticket to the upcoming Kung Fu Tournament instead. He then trains in the art of Kung Fu to learn how to defend himself and earn respect from those who humiliated him.

The 1984 original was known for its "wax on, wax off" tactic, only to be replaced by "jacket on, jacket off, put in on the ground, pick it up and hang it up". Daniel LaRusso waxed cars, sanded a wooden floor, painted a fence, and refinished Mr. Miyagi's house. While Dre Parker simply worked with his jacket. I guess Mr. Miyagi's the crazier teacher, Mr. Han. Even more so, I had imagined Mr. Han to be a much wiser looking man. To put it straight, I watched Jackie Chan practise Kung Fu last night, not Jackie Chan playing a character who's a master at Kung Fu. 

[I think I've watched too many Jackie Chan movies.]

Clearly he has reached an age where performing stunts he did two decades ago isn't as easy anymore, but who better to play a Kung Fu guru than Jackie Chan? He, nonetheless, breathed life to the movie as Qi is believe to for all things living. I saw more of Mr. Han than Jackie Chan towards the end of the movie when he told a wounded Dre Parker, "I --". Oh, watch the movie you!

Jaden Smith, on the other hand, can act, but there's a lot of room for improvement. Certain parts of comic relief weren't delivered well enough.

[Can I get a "Ba-Dum-Tchh"]

But he's young, there's plenty of time to mold him in to a better actor. On another note, I found his character to be a little too young to have such raging hormones, i.e. to be completely smitten. 14 or 15 would have been a slightly more appropriate age. We wouldn't want our 11 or 12-year-old siblings or kids to be snogging around when you're not looking, would we?

As far as cinematography and direction goes, it was nothing to spectacular. I personally thought it could have done better to add more essence and vibe to the action scenes. The pan shots of iconic landmarks of China, however, were astounding. Furthermore, their decision to bring The Karate Kid to China, differentiating Dre Parker from Danial LaRusso, who merely moved to Los Angeles, makes his desire to prove himself that much more believable seeing as he is quite the fish out of water.

[Boy, do I know how that feels]

All in all, the movie carries it's own gravity and flows in it's pace. Had the title been different or had the 1984 original Karate Kid not existed, The Karate Kid (2010) proves to be a mind blowing movie all on its own whilst teaching the values of respect, honor and perseverence.

You are advised not to watch the original before you watch the remake.

Story: B-

Acting: B

Direction: C+

Visuals: B-

Average: B- 

- Messer Girl

The Movie Junkie - The Runaways

I finally got myself to watch The Runaways although it did take me 5 hours to watch all 109 minutes of it. Why? You may ask. Well, simply because Kristen Stewart has that effect on me. With the exception of Zathura, I have yet to sit all the way through a movie in which she stars in. Plus, I am very open about my hate for the girl.

When news that she was to play Joan Jett reached my ears, I was flabbergasted. FLABBERGASTED I tell you. I have so much respect for Joan Jett ever since I heard "I Love Rock & Roll" then discovered "Bad Reputation" and I wasn't ready for Kristen Stewart to be associated to her.

It took a hard mental kick and a whole day's worth of insatiable boredom to get me to watch it and now here I am to rip it to shreds.

Synopsis: The story of the groundbreaking '70s female rock group the Runaways is recounted in this River Road Entertainment production focusing on the duo of guitarist/vocalist Joan Jett (Kristen Stewart) and lead vocalist Cherie Currie (Dakota Fanning) as they navigate a rocky road of touring and record label woes under the malevolent eye of abusive manager Kim Fowley (Michael Shannon) during their teen years. 

I can't attack the plotline because it's a recount of peoples' lives. What I can say is, the story flowed smoothly enough, covering how the group formed and eventually disbanded and the somewhat stereotyped yet, imaginable truth backstage when you're in a band of hormonal girls in the 70s with a very irritating producer: Sex and Drugs.

Lovely wouldn't be the right word, nevertheless it was lovely to see Ms. Fanning play a more daring and crazy - should I say, grown-up role? The difficult thing about child actors is sometimes you don't want them to grow up, which made seeing Dakota on stage stripped down to her underwear very intriguing. She's quite the singer too.

Kristen Stewert on the other hand, almost gained my respect. Almost. I think she's been listening to me harangue her inability to act because she molded herself into her character and channelled Joan Jett well. I even forgot she was that irritating Bella girl but in the last 2 minutes, she reminded me why I hate her so. Take note the lost glance, awkward breathing and chronic blinking.

Otherwise, you have a so-so-directed movie. Floria Sigismondi captures the atmosphere of being on stage into a bottle then smashes it in your face however it was emotionally crippled. The movie tells the tale of people who are both victims and heroes but neither side tugged at the heartstrings enough to spark awe nor sympathy.

Story: C

Acting: B-

Directing: C

Visuals: C

Average: C

- Messer Girl

The Movie Junkie - Killers

2nd dose!

First things first, I absolutely love Katherine Heigl.When she plays a role, her acting reels me right into that scenario. I can watch 27 Dresses and The Ugly Truth over and over and over again and I won't get sick of it. She is one of the very few actresses that I actually favor. "Very few" actually comprises of Katherine Heigl, Scarlet Johannson, Amy Adams and Isla Fisher.

The way Ms. Heigl delivers her lines with obvious effort of about 150% plus the appropriate emotions, I get hooked. The minute I saw her on the Killers poster, I knew I had to watch it.

I'll try to be extremely light on the spoilers.

Synopsis: Trying to recover from a sudden break-up, Jen Kornfeldt (Katherine Heigl) believes she’ll never fall in love again. But when she reluctantly joins her parents on a trip to the French Riviera, Jen happens to meet the man of her dreams, the dashing, handsome Spencer Aimes (Ashton Kutcher). Three years later, her seemingly impossible wish has come true: she and Spencer are newlyweds living the ideal suburban life – that is, until the morning after Spencer’s 30th birthday when bullets start flying. Literally.

It turns out Spencer never bothered to tell Jen he’s also an international super-spy, and now Jen's perfect world has been turned upside down. Faced with the fact that her husband is a hit man, Jen is determined to discover what other secrets Spencer might be keeping – all the while trying to dodge bullets, keep up neighborly appearances, manage the in-laws…and work out some major trust issues.

I'm not a fan of Ashton Kutcher - blame 4 years of Punk'd - but he's one hell of an actor. My eyes popped just 10 minutes into the movie - I never noticed how hot he actually is - but forget the eye-popping, my jaw dropped when he put on a serious face and jumped right into action. I've always associated Ashton with comedies - that was before I 'wikipedia-ed' him - turns out he played an airman in The Guardian. How was I to know? Ashton's a good comedian but producers, do not be afraid to send some action-drama scripts his way. You never know, you might just produce one hell of a blockbuster.

I wasn't too enthusiastic about the plotline though. What can you expect from a movie that's merely 1 hour and 40 mins long? And that's including credits. And whadya know, I was right: The plotline was a killer. Boy's a hired assassin, meets girl, falls in love, quits job then gets pulled back into it and girl gets dragged along. I don't like plots that are too fast-paced - not as much as I hate the ones that drag on too long though. The plot's good, but the rundown was faster than a ride on the Abyss. I figured it out halfway through, or maybe it's just me. It lacked mystery. The momentum was lost a couple of times along the way, leaving the climax rather flat.

A couple of action scenes got my votes, I'll give you that. They weren't top-notch, but not too shabby, not too shabby at all. I favor close combat over shootouts; they're so much more thrilling and have a knack of sending you over to the edge of your seat. Plus after what TPTB did for the CSI: New York finale might just make me dislike guns.

But let's not forget that this is still a comedy. With Ms. Heigl's and Mr. Kutcher's acting and the witty script, you won't be ending this movie with a frown.

Story: C

Acting: B-

Direction: B-

Visuals: B-

Average: B-

- Messer Girl

The Movie Junkie - Shrek Forever After

 
Here comes the first dose of movie reviews this week. I actually watched this a week ago but I was preoccupied to post it so technically, this is overdue. Sorry. To add, I was kind of reluctant to review this because it's one part of a series. And with series, the latest installment is always compared to the previous ones. And let's face it, never before has any sequels topped the original. Likewise for Shrek IV so I really hope this will be the last installment otherwise it'll start annoying me like the Spiderman Trilogy.

A major thumbs up if you're going with the family and you have toddlers or pre-pre-pubescent kids or if you're an avid Shrek fan - I have yet to meet one. However, Shrek going through a midlife crisis and exchanges everything he has for a day of careless freedom in the shadow of his former self - come on, you couldn't get any more cliche than that.

A few things did come of notable interest.

Rumplestiltskin - the renowned characted by the Brothers Grimm - is by far the best Shrek antagonist ever. The Tooth Fairy and Prince Charming just irritated the bullocks out of me. I love how cunningly annoying he is - a little corny at some points but maniacal enough. I heard of him as a child but I never read the tale. I clung close to my Hans Christian Andersen tales.

Their Bounty Hunter is the Piper, who literally plays his pipe sending his targets dancing their way into oblivion. I think he's the most entertaining addition to the Shrek casts in all four movies put together.

Puss PAMPERED-AND-NOT-IN-BOOTS! For one, I hate cats. For two I love Antonio Banderas. So for three, number two prevails. It's usually Donkey who makes up most of the comic relief in Shrek movies but Puss in Boots was remarkably adorable, so it was Donkey's turn to be in the bleachers for a while.

To conclude, put this movie under "Family Flicks" with explanations ready for the inquisitive little ones.

Story:  C+

Acting: C

Direction: B

Visual: B

Average: B-

- Messer Girl

The Movie Junkie - The Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time

Hong Kong's been having very lousy weather lately, but then again, when was the weather here not lousy anyway. And because of that the plan to spend time at Inspiration Lake then dinner at Modern Toilet with the family got changed to 4 tickets to see The Prince of Persia: The Sands of Time.

I was looking forward to watching this after finding out that Jake Gyllenhaal was playing Dastan, all the more when I found out he had to wear a British accent. I was very much intrigued I have to say. I'm not a huge fan of Jake Gyllenhaal but I have something to thank him for; his performance in The Day After Tomorrow changed my perspective of movies. He lit the spark that set the fireworks off for my love for film.

If you're looking for a movie that's action-packed with abso-freakin'-lutely FANTABULOUS cinematography, but quite loose on the the plot. This is the one for you. The minute young Dastan scaled the rooftops of medieval Persia, I was gobsmacked, GOBSMACKED I tell you. Fast-paced with impressive camera skills, I'm thankful that it didn't give me a headache like Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen did. The aerial shots of desert Morocco made me want to visit the beautiful country again. Unfortunately, I was disappointed with the use of a green screen - or is it blue now - during some pan shots, such as the sand dunes.

 If you're looking for a substatial plot worth retelling to a friend who hasn't watched it yet so you can spoil their fun, forget it! I didn't like how the storyline clung too tightly on the dagger that could turn back time yet too loosely on the depth of the characters and the bond between the three princes. "They left out some parts." Glenn, my brother who happens to be a fan of the videogame, would whisper in my ear in the middle of a dialogue. I was afraid he'd say that, because that colon is threatening to release another title. A sequel is not welcome! Princess Tamina is alive plainly because the damned dagger can turn back time - so there I was a little disgruntled cause I didn't get a tragic ending. Another reason for me to fear that colon. Fortunately, Jake Gyllenhaal and Sir Ben Kingsley, wonderful actors as they are, brought at least - not enough though - some life into the characters. The other characters were rather flat and I blame the plotline.

On a brighter note, there was adequate comical relief amidst the sword-fighting, scaling rooftops and cascading down walls with notable quotes such as, "Did you know ostriches have suicidal tendencies?" and "You better get up there before I take your place" or something like that. You see, I've already forgotten the lines because the plot was so loosly written. I did like how the script was filled with sharp dialogue and doesn't drag.

I'll end with Jake's accent. It's not perfect, terrible in the beginning to be honest, but let's just say I hope he won't be wearing a British accent in his next project.

 Story: C+

Acting: B-

Direction: B-

Visuals: A+

Average: B

- Messer Girl

The Movie Junkie - The Last Song

Before I begin, I'd just like to say I am hanging onto life by a very, very thin, fragile thread right now - alright, I'm exaggerating, but The CSI: New York Finale is eating at me as we speak. 3 months is a very long time. I don't think I'll be able to take it if Danny or Lucy Messer dies. Without Danny, I'm not Messer Girl. And Lucy...oh Lucy, so young, so innocent, so adorable. Oh my heart.

So on to the review, I'll try my best not to get sidetracked.

If she plays her cards right, this won't be Miley Cyrus' last song. The girl's got talent, but it's still needs work. I'll give her an unbiased thumbs-up for giving her best to portray an angry, rebellious 17-year-old, but there's room for improvement in the 'Drama' department. Knowing Nicholas Sparks, I had already predicted, although not having read the book yet, that her father was going to die. There were certain moments that should've moved me to tears but it just wasn't enough. Her character was much more complex than what she had portrayed her to be, but all in all, she didn't do too bad. She hid her Southern accent fairly well too.

 Her leading man, meanwhile, stood not-so bad looking himself. Not drop-dead-oh-my-fruity-goodness gorgeous, but not bad, not bad. His acting didn't have much of an impact on me either. Put it this way, if he were a cup of coffee, he'd be very bland. On a lighter note, I can definitely see why Cyrus couldn't resist dating him. This boy can kiss! I could feel all that passion when he swooped down and kissed her.

As for the plotline, as with any movie adaptation of a novel, the novel will always be better. I was just disappointed that it was all to easy to predict. I like to be surprised when it comes to tragic endings - which I am a huge fan of when it comes to MOVIES - TV series are a completely different story.

Broken family, a terrible relationship with Dad, fall in love, relationship with Dad mends, Dad gets cancer, dies.

The good part of it, is that the scenes didn't drag on too long and they used music to piece the whole thing together. I may be hopeless on the piano but I know well to appreciate a good piece and the movie score was simply beautiful.

Story: B-

Acting: C+

Direction: B-

Visuals: C
Average: C+

- Messer Girl